Just Frog It

I heard an awesome acronym for the word FEAR recently.

F@%# Everything And Run

 For some reason I think that is just hysterical. So, as I have been considering a word for the month following my alphabetical theme this year naturally Fear came to mind for February. I toyed with the idea of changing the words around a bit into something like

Feel Everything And Remain.

That seemed pretty good. Then I bumped into a friend who said she had been thinking of me and for some reason kept picturing frogs. She couldn’t figure out what the heck the frogs were all about but they reminded her of an acronym.

Fully Rely On God

Bingo. This is the perfect fit for how I have been trying to operate lately. I am trying to go beyond just feeling the fear and staying anyway. I am trying to make the jump to feeling the fear and then reminding myself that the Universe has got it covered. When I say “God” I do intend to imply some evangelical or dogmatic set of rules that must be followed. I mean it more in the sense of a trust fall or a leaning into the wind. Whatever is meant to be will happen, and I am just humming along trying my best to enjoy the beautiful gift that is my life and all the amazing people in it!

“It’s all good”

Grocery Store Harmonica

You know those times when something happens and even though you were there and saw it for yourself, even you question if it really happened. I had one of those recently at the grocery store and every time I think of it I have to smile.

I was at the register and my groceries were being scanned. I started to notice music, harmonica music. Strange… I look to my left and see a rather nonplussed older woman pulling her carriage into my line. Behind her carriage is her husband who also doesn’t look terrible excited to be out running errands. However, strapped around his neck and hanging down in front of his chest is some kind of home made harmonica amplifying system. It was the size of a large shoe or boot box without the lid. So, just the bottom of the box, and very colorful. It appeared to be made out of either candy wrappers or gimp with some crude metal parts and wires wrapping around inside. You get the idea, colorful, homemade, kind of Alice in Wonderland-ish.

Imagine this:

Plus this:

With these two:

The really cool part about this was that here was this older guy, probably in his 80’s, who for some reason was compelled to play his harmonica wherever he goes. His wife appeared to be pretty tired of hearing him play his God D$%^* harmonica. The comedy of those two in contrast to the cheerful music and the unorthodox little amp system, especially in the grocery store of all places, was just undeniable. The smiles spread quickly between the shoppers. I looked at the girl scanning my groceries and she gave a little smile and a chuckle. I looked over and a little boy was laughing and dancing a jig with his sister. All around me people awoke from their stupor and realized what they were seeing. It was magic.

God Bless grumpy old men who insist on playing outlandish contraptions wherever they go and spreading smiles along the way. Bless their wives too. Wives that really, really want to back over their husband’s home made amp and silence it forever… but who love their man enough to keep on listening.

I hope you bump into some magic while you are out and about too.

Unburden Yourself

Recently I was able to catch up with a good friend over a cup of coffee. She was telling me about a recent trip to her absolutely amazing integrative wellness doctor who has a massage therapist on staff. She was seeing the massage therapist for an ongoing pain in her arm and wrist which my friend assumed was due to continuous “mousing”.

Now this is no ordinary massage therapist as she chooses all kinds of scents to have pumped into the room for each client along with delicious massage oils. She asked my friend to begin using a certain breathing technique designed to help release. The massage therapist explained that my friend could release what she had been holding in her body without knowing what it was but just with the intention of letting go. As the massage continued my friend huffed and puffed away thinking, “Let it go. Let it go…” and just relaxed into the experience.

She described it to me as if the therapist was the “midwife” helping her to release what had been keeping her in pain. What a perfect metaphor. How lucky to find someone to help you release from your body what has kept you stuck and in pain. I also love this concept that we don’t need to know what it is in order to release it. In our culture we have been trained to think we must revisit a painful incident and trace its spidery veins into every area of our lives that has been marred or damaged by it.  Believe me, I am not trying to say that therapy is in any way a waste of time. It is profoundly valuable in so many ways. I am saying that I am all for shortcuts! We are all wise to use every tool available to create the life we want.

I had an image last night as I was floating off to sleep of someone carrying a heavy burlap sack over their shoulder and picking up chunks of Fool’s Gold to put in their sack. The Fool’s Gold was a metaphor for beliefs this person had formed through their life. At the end of the trail the bag was opened to reveal so much of what was thought to be pure Gold or truth, was really a mistake. They picked up one large chunk and thought, I put you in my bag when I believed I was wrong for speaking up. Everyone was upset by what I said and I put you in my sack believing I was a hurtful person who was careless with my words. What I did not see is that after everyone was grateful I had spoken the truth when they did not have the courage. Picking up another chunk from the bag they thought, I remember you. I put you in my sack when I decided I was not good enough because I was not chosen. After that I never tried to hope for anything again as it was so painful to be disappointed. Now I see I was not chosen for another reason and have missed my chance at so many things because I did not dare try.

As more and more of the Fools Gold came out of the bag and was exposed this person realized what a heavy burden they had placed on themselves. As they came to the bottom of the bag they began to uncover some pieces of true Gold. Holding these luminous metal pieces in their palm it was plain to see how little of what they had believed was really the truth. The truth is simple and beautiful and small enough to hold in one hand, yet it is enough to carry you through anything. The universe lined up in a very special way to make sure YOU were created. No mistakes!

Remember, Huff and Puff and Let It Go!

Allow

If you make room for it in your heart

If you don’t force yourself or others

If you are present to enjoy the simple pleasures

Joy will come

Often in very unexpected ways

I am happy to announce that I have scheduled the first of my Spring Series classes for March 3,  2013.  Please check out the Upcoming Events page for all the details!

Today It’s All Good

It is a beautiful January day in the Boston area. We have a few inches of sparkling snow on the ground but a definite thaw in the air. My mission to notice the joyful moments is in full swing. Today I met with my boss and it sounds like the changes that are coming will take their time to reach me. He is definitely working to find a way to not only keep me employed but for my new job to work for me. At least another month or so before my day to  day life changes very much. Hooray!

I shared a laugh with a sales clerk at Home Depot. She was a great girl with a job she doesn’t love. She could have treated me like one of the masses but she took the time to stop and laugh. How much friendlier the world is when you are open to having fun and enjoying yourself.

My awesome sister-in-law called with a full head of steam to tell me how I should not allow myself to just take just any job that is offered but to reach for more. “You should not do a stoopid job. No! You are great.” She is this fiery little Hungarian who starts talking so fast when she gets all worked up. Her accent gets thicker as her brain works frantically to find the words in English as fast as she is thinking them in Hungarian. I love it. Also, how cool is that to get a call when you are shopping at Home Depot from a worked up European with this awesome accent telling you how great you are?! She is the very best.

I splurged on a wood working drill kit for myself that I have wanted to buy for ages after my wonderful husband asked me, “What’ the hold up?” He’s right. What was I waiting for? It is winter and I need a little project to perk things up around here. I am so excited to get started.

You get the picture. Today it is obvious I live in a world that wants only the best for me. How could that not make me happy!

I have also decided to stay focused on my seminars, night school classes,  book club, and life script editing plans that were in the works before my job situation changed.  I will keep you posted as things get nailed down.

January Inspiration

Hello again everybody. I have been on a bit of a hiatus from writing the last few months, mainly because I couldn’t decide what to write. As soon as an idea would come to me and start to form it was gone like a wisp of smoke before I had the chance to nail it down. I have consciously chosen to allow this process to unfold as it fits perfectly with the course of my life at the moment. Nothing overly dramatic but enough to throw me a bit off balance. Let me explain.

I found out in the beginning of October that my job would be changing and I might be out of work within months. My first reaction was pretty much panic, but thankfully my husband remained strong and positive and anchored me back down. Since then it seems seems that I will remain employed but what that will look like exactly is still completely unknown. Will I be working from home, an office, part time, full time, who knows. The beauty of these last few months is that I HATE uncertainty. I would never allow this to happen by choice in any way but here I am, in limbo. This also comes at a time when many other areas of my life have recently changed or are in the process of changing. (I am not trying to be vague just keep this to short story length rather than novel.)

Why would I choose the word beauty to describe these waves of change and upheaval? The reason is that in order to not completely lose my marbles through this process, I have begun to learn to drop into my heart. I can  hang out in the clarity I find there and escape from the endless firestorm of doubt and fear that swirls in my mind. When I drop into my heart my energy becomes that of gratitude and trust. There is room for Joy and compassion and plenty of time. When I return to my usual habit of trying to reason my way through my life there is never enough time for anything really, there is doubt and recrimination for who I am and where I am. And, surprise, I am not very happy. Yuck! Yuck! Eeewww!

I am grateful for this gift of indecision, unknowing, and uncertainty as it has given rise to a new clarity in me. A new confidence that I can roll with the punches and be just fine. For right now, I still work from home and have the freedom to put my feet up and enjoy the delicious lemonade I have squeezed out of this handful of lemons.

That brings me to this blog and where I want it to go. I was thinking a little mix of structure and uncertainty suited me just fine. So this is my idea. This year I am dividing the blog up into the months and will choose a word of the month based on the first letter of the month. The uncertainty is (and this is a little under dramatic) that I haven’t decided what each month will be. I am just gonna make it up when I get there. So, for January it is Joy, my favorite! I will try and write about experiences big or small on this theme for the month.

Today, I had a simple moment of Joy after picking up my Father-In-Law from his doctors appointment. He is such a sweet and simple man. Never wants for anything my husband likes to say. He has had some health issues in the last few months and recently his car conked out. All of us have been taking turns helping him get to appointments and the grocery store. All of this must be so hard for him as he is a very independent person who would much rather walk or take the bus than inconvenience anyone. Regardless, I was driving him home and telling him a story about how I had introduced myself to a woman at a party recently and been completely snubbed. I told him how she would have been happier to kiss a toad than make small talk with me. He came back with a few funny choice remarks I could have shared with her. I saw in a flash the amazing loyalty I love so much in my husband. It touched me so deeply to see the loyalty and the humor they both  share. It gave me a new insight to my husband to see how that part of him came straight from his Dad. I had always assumed it was his Mom who was the more outspoken one of the pair. How lucky I am to  have these two wonderful men in my life!

Lastly, I want to thank   Space For Lasam for nominating me for an Inspiring Blogger award.  As part of accepting the award I am supposed to write 7 things about myself that you might not know. I think if you read this blog that would probably be a bit redundant… but I can tell you that as a child we lived in the country and had an assortment of animals. Most of them were very ill tempered. We had one large black goat named Billy who was especially mean. My father said this was  because we (kids) would tease him. I didn’t really remember teasing him, but I usually assume blame first and ask questions later.

I took it upon myself to straighten things out between the two of us.  Billy was tied out, munching on some bushes. I brought over some of his favorite acorns and proceeded to have a deep heart to heart talk, apologizing for any cruel deeds I may have done. Billy came over to eat all the acorns I had brought which I took to be a sign of reconciliation. Next, Billy proceeded to beat the crap out of me. He knocked the wind out of me with a head butt to the stomach and continued whacking me with his rock hard noggin as I crawled out of range. Ouch! Looking back now it’s pretty obvious we were not on the same page with what we wanted out of the relationship. I was looking for a furry friend to hang with. He was looking for some acorns and a Tae Bo work out.

Next, I am supposed to nominate 15 blogs that inspire me. Here’s my problem.  I hate this. I feel like there are some blogs I should nominate, some I’m obligated to nominate and so many others that have already been nominated…  It is not a joyful experience. In my new effort to pursue things that bring me joy, I am bailing on this list. I love lots of blogs and enjoy laughing, crying, learning and sharing with all of you. If you are interested in some recommendations let me know what you like and I’ll see what I can come up with.

All my best for a Happy New Year!!!!

 

Happy Butterfly

 

One of my favorite things about my daughter is how much she loves to have fun. She is a fun seeking missile. A blood hound hot on the trail! She reminds me always that life is more fun if you join in and go with the flow rather than cautiously open the door and throw in your list of demands.

Over the last few weeks of family visits and Holiday bustle, I saw her as a kind of fun collecting butterfly. She floats around and gathers up the fun in all the flowers  she finds. She watches X Factor and American Idol videos with my Mom, helps me out in the kitchen, plays football with her cousins, and relaxes on the couch with my husband watching sports. She is so adaptable to what makes others happy and finds enjoyment in just sharing in that activity, whatever it may be.

She has a very Zen, go with the flow methodology. I almost never hear her say things like, “Okay, I’ll play but only if I get to be the car”  or “I really don’t like this  game, but I’ll try it.” She just doesn’t put those kind of restrictions on things. No, that girls hears laughter and she is off like a shot to get in the middle of the action.

Watching her has shown me that joining in the happiness is an activity in and of itself.  Whatever happens while you are doing that is just the backdrop. Enter into your life with an open heart and fully expect to have a great time.  It sure beats cautiously observing and expecting disappointment!

 

Let It Go

I have been thinking a LOT about forgiveness lately. I realized I have always thought of forgiving someone as kind of doing them a favor. In a sense I felt if I forgave someone for what they had done, I was implying that what they did to me was okay. Crossing out the karmic debt so to speak. As I followed this trail of logic, forgiving someone meant I would never receive the atonement that felt so justly deserved. That is where I believe I got stuck (for a like my whole life)!

Slowly, I have realized that my investment in the belief that somehow I have been damaged by another person’s actions had to go in order for me to forgive. I needed to make my way to a place where I could see these beliefs of past injustice as stories I was telling to myself and the people around me. How?

Well, it is a process that probably looks different for everybody. One of the ways I have been practicing this is to tell my stories from a different perspective. I imagine myself in the other person’s shoes and try to understand their motivation for the actions they chose. I even imagine myself as a stranger watching and guess how it would appear to them. This has helped a lot, but often I was still very attached emotionally to these stories. I tried writing a forgiveness letter, spilling all of the hurtful things this person had done to me. I called them all kinds of names and went into immense detail about how my life was negatively affected by all they had done and neglected to do. Once the letter was written a switch was somehow flipped inside of me. I saw all of it as literally words on a page. This whole tragic story that I have been telling and retelling is one that I can walk away from. I can find a new story to tell of love, joy, hope, perseverance, or whatever I choose. I also get to take back the power and energy I have been giving to that story for years. Let me tell you, that feels great!

I just need to let go of my need to be right.

Imagine all of the times you have walked away from an interaction with some one at work, another driver on the road, or a close family member knowing deep down the other person was dead wrong! That guy on the highway who flipped you the bird, obviously an aggressive loser. The quiet girl at work who is always screwing up and then denying it? It’s no secret that she is trying to set you up for her mistakes. The passing comment from your Mother about how nice the meal was last Thanksgiving at your Brother’s house (cooked by her daughter-in-law). Clearly a passive aggressive shot at you and your cooking skills. What if you could stop caring that you were right and the other person is out to get you, lying, hurtful, etc.? What if it was just stuff that happened and didn’t mean anything about who you are as a person? What if you could stop burning the midnight oil trying to find a way to spin these events into stories about how right you are and how wrong the other person is?

Well then, you could probably turn to your mother and say, “You know what, you’re right. Thanksgiving was extra fabulous last year. Pass the gravy.” You might even be able to mean it!

I couldn’t resist!

Crazy Train

Wasn’t there somebody who said that when they decided to give up gossip they had nothing to say for weeks? Okay, so maybe that’s pretty hard-core. I think it’s more realistic for most of us to set an intention and then notice how it feels when we don’t follow through on that intention. Not in a self bashing, guilty way but really just asking, “How does it feel?” I used to get so aggravated in yoga class when the teacher would say, “Just notice how your body feels today.” I thought this was so redundant and just mindless yoga chatter. Now I can see the wisdom of noticing without judgment. Those yoga  teachers – always slipping in the life lessons!

Feelings are our guide to whether we are on track with our thoughts and actions or not. We shouldn’t dwell on the guilt, frustration, whatever,  just acknowledge it and determine the action that produced it. Then we can decide if we want to continue doing or thinking whatever it is that caused us to feel bad.

In preparation for my night school class I found a quote from Dr. Daniel G. Amen,

“Don’t believe everything you hear, even in your own mind.”

Those run away thought trains that take us to dark places of self blame and shame are a journey we can choose not to make. Why not tell yourself something positive instead. Honestly, lose the drama! Trust me, it is so relaxing to get off the crazy train and just say, “I’m human. Sometimes I don’t do things perfectly, but I can learn from my mistakes.”

Bravery In Believing

Is it  just me, or is it hard to have faith in people sometimes? So often I find myself writing some one off as being somehow unworthy of my faith in them because I question their judgement or motives. I can hear myself saying things like, “I wish they would make healthier choices, BUT they don’t have a very good track record.” Sometimes it sounds more like, “She is such a nice person really, BUT she just gets so nasty. I am not counting on her to change.” Sometimes I even go so far as trying to talk others into believing as I do. If a friend is saying how great someone is, I have felt somehow obligated to point out that person’s flaws. Am I trying to make myself look better, that may be part of it. But really I just cannot fathom how my friend could have such faith in this questionable character. I don’t want them to be duped.

This habit of mine has a definite air of arrogance. That some how I know what is best. When I catch these thoughts lately I recognize them for what they are and let them pass on by. I no longer feel the need to distance myself from someone to prove my own good judgement. I can extend my compassion to them, knowing that sometimes life is hard. Understanding that sometimes it doesn’t feel like you have any good choices available, so you just pick the one that seems the least bad or maybe the most fun.

The strange thing is, that the quality I probably admire most in others is the ability to see the good in everyone. This is a quality I really tend to in myself, hoping to help it grow and flourish. I just listened to a story on The Moth storytellers podcast by Ellie Lee about her father Ming Lee. She told how he opened a low cost grocery store in Boston’s Chinatown and grew the business to be almost a living member of the community. How when it burned down, several Chinese women were standing across the street crying because they felt they had lost their home. In Ellie’s attempts to learn more about her father’s life she would often ask him to tell her stories from the grocery store. One story he told was of trailing a 10 year old shoplifter around his store. The boy was blatantly stealing food and stuffing it into his backpack. At one point he even stopped and sat down in the aisle for a lunch break, chowing down on his stolen food right in the store.  Ming Lee approached the boy and asked him if he had enough to eat. The boy said, “Almost” and continued munching away. Then Ming started to work his magic!

He found that the boy’s parents were at work and that the boy had no food at home. Ming told the boy,  “When you take stuff, especially at a store, and you don’t pay for it. That’s stealing.” The boy started getting nervous and began angling for a way to escape. Ming continued, “In the future, if you don’t have any food at home. Please just come find me and ask me for whatever you need. If you ask I will give you whatever you want. Just don’t steal because stealing is wrong.” Ellie knew that her father must have enjoyed the times when the boy came in to the store. That was how he was. He saw the good and met people in that place inside of themselves.

What is a mistake really? A misstep. A decision you made that had a different outcome than you expected, maybe. Acting on the belief that things would go one way and having them go another. Isn’t that how we all learn best?

In other words, life.

I am slowly loosening my grip on the belief that if I can see the weakness or faults in others I can protect myself from harm. I am slowly starting to embrace the belief that life sometimes looks messy and there can be beauty in the mess.