Monthly Archives: February 2013

One True Thing

One thing I know to be True is that telling yourself mean things doesn’t motivate, support or improve you in any way.

Here I am at the end of February which I decided would be the month of the FROG  (Fully Rely On God).  I spent a good chunk of it in Chicken Little mode running around afraid the sky was falling because I decided I was too fat. Somehow putting on 5 or 10 pounds had turned into an impending disaster and meant I should definitely leave the house as little as possible. As I spent more and more time inside the story of how horrible this was and how I was obviously a flawed human being if I could not control my own body, the more miserable I became.

merry go round

Finally I decided I to step off the merry-go-round of misery and just try acceptance. Lean into the universe a little bit and trust that I am not meant to be unhappy and self loathing. So I spent a little time thinking what is it about my body right now that is making me so scared? What does it mean if I am this weight or heavier forever? Will I love myself less if I buy bigger pants? What am I really afraid of?

That was the real question. What am I really afraid of? For me,  it doesn’t have much to do with health. It has a lot to do with vanity. But deeper than vanity is the fear of  not being enough. That just me without being thin or pretty or funny or whatever- but just me is not worth loving. Well, I am happy to report that when I realized what a load of crap I was feeding myself, I put down my fork!!

At first this was foreign ground. It felt like I was accepting defeat when I stopped harassing myself. It can be hard to make a new habit!  It became clear that I had created a comfort zone for myself  in regards to what I felt was an acceptable size. As I  bumped the boundaries of that comfort zone the alarm bells had started blaring.  For now I am planning on trying to ignore them. I put a call into the alarm company to see about getting the system rewired. I don’t need alarm bells going off to tell me I am fat. I need them going off when I am saying mean things to myself. A reminder to be kind. What would that sound like?

PS: I was told the weight gain  could be related to dairy intolerance. I have been dairy free for less than a week and already feel so much better and even a little thinner. Whoopee!!


Just Frog It

I heard an awesome acronym for the word FEAR recently.

F@%# Everything And Run

 For some reason I think that is just hysterical. So, as I have been considering a word for the month following my alphabetical theme this year naturally Fear came to mind for February. I toyed with the idea of changing the words around a bit into something like

Feel Everything And Remain.

keep calm

That seemed pretty good. Then I bumped into a friend who said she had been thinking of me and for some reason kept picturing frogs. She couldn’t figure out what the heck the frogs were all about but they reminded her of an acronym.

Fully Rely On God

Bingo. This is the perfect fit for how I have been trying to operate lately. I am trying to go beyond just feeling the fear and staying anyway. I am trying to make the jump to feeling the fear and then reminding myself that the Universe has got it covered. When I say “God” I do intend to imply some evangelical or dogmatic set of rules that must be followed. I mean it more in the sense of a trust fall or a leaning into the wind. Whatever is meant to be will happen, and I am just humming along trying my best to enjoy the beautiful gift that is my life and all the amazing people in it!

frog on a bench

“It’s all good”

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