Monthly Archives: April 2012

Reasons or Results

“Stand up and walk out of your history.”  This is a quote I found somewhere from Dr Phil. I know a lot of people have very mixed feelings about the man and his television show. One thing you have to give him is that he know how to punch line an issue with laser like focus. He cuts through all of the noise about the “stories” that people are telling him and hits at the core of the problem.

I love this quote. To me it is a kick in the pants to stop believing I can’t do something just because I haven’t done it before. At some point you have to choose to hang on to the comfort of your story or choose to change your script. Reasons or results is something my dad used to say to me. How applicable that is in so many circumstances!

What a great challenge

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What do you want to be when you grow up?

Happy. I heard recently that, “Happy”, was Goldie Hawn’s response as a child when she was asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

It seems everywhere I turn lately there is more and more emphasis on gratitude, positive thinking, law of attraction and creating more joy in your life by recalling things that make you happy. As I was hiking through the woods this morning with my dog, I took a few minutes to practice. I hesitate to say I started with the small things, because a healthy body to carry me through the woods is certainly nothing to sneeze at! But, that is where I started, on to the gorgeous surroundings, the crisp weather, the gift of time that I had nowhere else I had to be. The beautiful blessing of my sweet dog to keep me company.  On an on my list went of things big and little that I was grateful for.

I got back to my car and realized,

I was happy! 


I have started looking for opportunities to commit random acts of kindness lately. This one is a no-brainer, don’t even have to get off my butt! If you have a chance why not vote to help out this sweet family and this beautiful little girl!

Flamidwyfe's Blog

Something a bit different than my Dukan diet… A story about my oldest grandchild, Celeste and a special request for my blogging community.

Celeste was born with a brain abnormality called microcephaly, which means small head, which results in a small brain. She also has agenesis of the corpus collosum. The corpus collosum is a thin, tendon like membrane that separates the two sides of the brain. In Celeste’s case this has caused severe developmental delays. She does not sit or stand on her own. She is unable to feed herself or even roll over… But she has the most amazing smile and personality of anyone you could ever meet.
Celeste will be 13 on April 25th. When she was little it was easy to move her from one place to another, put her in a carseat and buckle her in safely. This isn’t possible anymore. For starters she’s growing…

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Think You Are The Victim Here?

What I am learning lately is that I am more in control of my life than I ever realized. I am seeing that the situations and relationships where I have portrayed myself as the hapless victim of the disregard of others, are just that, a portrayal. Please know I am not disregarding anyone’s circumstances. Sadly there are times when people are truly  powerless. For anyone who has been through such an experience, I applaud the courage you embody every morning when you open your eyes and recommit to life. You have my whole-hearted compassion.

The victimization I am speaking of here is really about the stories we tell ourselves about no one having time for us, no one understanding that all these bad things keep happening to us, that no matter what we do we can never win, and so on, and so on.  Here is what I am finding in my own life. I have those stories too, lots of them! For example, I noticed several years ago that my older brothers would make plans together, check in with each other, and really seemed to enjoy being together. I felt left out and had my radar on for any signs that I was being excluded. I started to notice that they seemed hesitant when speaking to me, like they needed to choose their words carefully. I started to get aggravated. What was I some kind of dangerous, loose cannon?! What had I done to deserve being left out that way. It’s obviously not my fault that I am a girl, or don’t golf. I am left out of everything because of factors that are out of my control.

The more I thought about this, the more my story fell apart. I saw my brothers being careful with me for the brotherly love that it was. They did not want to upset me and were careful how to broach certain subjects. I realized that by sitting back waiting to be invited, I was actually excluding myself. It started to dawn on me that by being prickly, defensive,  bitchy and pissed off, I wasn’t exactly a good time.

We just got back from our vacation and part of that time my brothers and their families joined us. I headed into this family vacation with the intention to spend less time being judgmental. When I mentioned this to my sister-in-law, she said that her and my brother were actually enjoying the trip more than usual because I wasn’t spending so much time pointing out what everyone was doing wrong. Imagine that- me -not fun on a vacation! Sure, it stinks to realize you have been a buzz kill. The cool part is that now I see that decision is mine to make. I can be right about how everyone is doing all of these mean, thoughtless things to me, or I can jump in and enjoy what life is offering.

What role do you play with your family and friends? Are you the black sheep, cheerleader, how about the loyal one, or the one that everyone calls when they have a problem? Now, are you in this position because this is how everybody always treats you? Isn’t it a possibility that you chose this role and everybody else is just agreeing with you?

Thanks for checking in. I am glad to be back at my computer. I won’t lie, I did enjoy the break but I love hearing from all of you and sharing my ideas. This week is my week to get on paper a Draft of my marketing plan. I know all of you with any kind of business background are cringing that  I started all of this with no plan, except to learn through experience. That is a pattern in my life- I own it!! I would love to hear all your ideas on good ways to market my seminars. I am itching to get a new group started!


Confident or Arrogant?

How can you be completely confident in how great you are without being cocky and arrogant? This is a question I kick around sometimes as I have begun to encourage people to embrace with gusto the innate gifts that make them natural “Experts” in the field. Part of this must be knowing that all of the gifts I have are just that, gifts. They are something I was give. They are not some Thing that I have acquired which makes me better or above anyone else. Knowing that every person I meet has their own gifts and the potential to teach also keeps me humble.

It is not a normal conversation to discuss how great you are at this or that. Maybe it should be. I think an example is in order here. I have a great friend who is beginning to work on uncovering her creative side. She has always believed herself to be pretty much devoid of creativity of any sort. The ironic thing is that she is beyond supportive of other’s dreams and passions. She gets passionate when she talks to others about reaching for their dreams. I tell everybody if you have an idea or want to start anything, you should call her. She is the world’s best Number One Fan. Trust me, this is an amazing talent. Without any conscious effort or thought to do so,  she focuses on you with infinite patience and confidence. The magic is that you begin to believe in yourself at a deeper level.  That, as they say, is priceless.

I believe that one of the gifts I was given is the ability to see these hidden talents in others. I don’t think I see things that others don’t, I believe I just have a weird kind of tunnel vision. I am learning to trust in this ability and listen to it. I was given this skill for a reason and I am trying to use it well. Too often we diminish these parts of ourselves. We say things like, “It doesn’t do me any good” or, “I can’t DO anything with that, it’s just me.”

To not acknowledge these gifts is more than just a shame, it is denying what is divinely yours. There is a reason you were created with a great eye for this or that, an unbelievable memory, incredible patience, or the ability to communicate with all kinds of people.  You don’t have to quit your job tomorrow and become a healer, minister, therapist, or whatever. It could be that a change is in order. But, you can also find ways to incorporate these talents into your day-to-day life.

You are not being cocky when you tell someone, “You know, I have this crazy memory.  I remember you mentioned such and such a long time ago. Here you are mentioning this again. I would love to hear more about how you could turn this into a business.” or “You look so great in that color. I saw a shirt in a catalog that I was thinking would look great on you. I have this thing where I just love dressing people. I guess I am a personal shopper at heart. Would you mind if I brought in a few photos?”   You are where you are and who you are for a reason. Know that when you are the best you, the world becomes a better place. Try your best to listen and be open when someone drops a pearl in your hands. The universe knocks,  sometimes it just does so very quietly.

I am leaving tomorrow for a week’s vacation. We are heading down to South Carolina for some fun in the sun. I am guessing that you won’t hear from me while I am away. All my best for a great week!


Wrapping up and Giving Thanks

I have two things to wrap up and give thanks for today. The first is that I completed the whole Brighten Your Series with an exceptional group of women. It was the end of the series but the start of something big. I’m on a mission to brighten lights like crazy and I plan to have a great time on the way. I will write more about that soon, promise. The other is that I have been honored with a Very Inspirational Blogger Award by Brenda who has a phenomenal blog herself. Brenda was herself nominated for this award as she indeed has a very inspiring and uplifting perspective. Thank you, thank, thank you. I am delighted.

I’ll start with the vision board seminar. It was so much fun. If you haven’t made one before, give it a try. If nothing else it is a relaxing way to spend an afternoon. It was the perfect way to wrap up the series and discuss where this group would like to go in the future. We will continue to meet in some fashion and continue to support each other wherever we happen to be on our life’s path. We came up with a group mantra to help us stay strong and compassionate with ourselves,

“I trust myself

and I trust the process of becoming

who I am meant to be.”

When I got home my daughter wanted to  make a vision board. She had such a great time. I am not sure what any of them mean exactly, but I found it interesting that she chose so much script. She does love to read. Also, she thought the more cursive script which she put at the top said “live life” rather than “wife life”. I am not grooming her to be a child bride!

I love that she chose such phrases as “I am not shy to speak my mind” and “You must live (wife)  life.” Not too shabby for a 7 year old! We hung it on the fridge so we can appreciate the heck out of it.

Onto the Inspiring Blogger Award. To accept this award I must reveal 7 things about myself and list a few blogs that I find inspiring.

Here are 7 things I bet you didn’t know about me:

1. I am a Sagittarius and I believe that is why I love to hang out with friends, often have my foot shoved way into my mouth, and tend to swear like a sailor.

2. I have a small phobia of driving into the car wash. It completely freaks me out when you have to line your tires up with their  gizmo and they act so casual up until the last second when they start waving to turn the wheels like crazy. I am sure my tires are going to shoot out from under me and I will be screwed!

3. I love going fishing with my son. Right up until we reel in a fish. Then I want to cry because I feel so badly for the poor thing! Not a big problem as we haven’t caught a blessed thing in years.

4. I had a slight case of OCD as a child. If I brushed something with one hand or foot I wanted to do the same with the other side. I also got into counting a bit- but that takes a lot of concentration…

5. I was also afraid of the returns which shoot the filtered water back into the pool. I was sure that spiders lived inside. After I saw Jaws, that fear grew to include very small but deadly sharks.

6. I was not a good mother in the germ department. My kids have no fear of germs whatsoever. When my daughter was two or three we were in line at the grocery store and this little old lady started flipping out saying, “Oh Honey, NO! Don’t touch that!” It was my daughter running her tongue back and forth on the handle of the shopping cart. She was ENJOYING IT!

7. I think I am starting to go gray. I have been plucking anything suspicious for a few months now.

Here are a few blogs I find inspirational:

This blog called the bettermanprojects.wordpress.com has a page which encourages people to post their favorite quotes. It is a great place to visit and see what people have added.

Another good spot to stop by is pathwriter.wordpress.com. She always has just what you need to feel better in a quick quote or story.

To remind me to focus on marketing I count on Kayesyoungevity.  I always need inspiration in this department!

For just sweet, fun and cute encouragement to get out there and live, I count on Kat. I believe she is still on her fabulous vacation in Thailand at the moment so we may not hear from her for a bit.


Vision Boards and Affirmations

I spent most of the day reading up on vision boards and affirmations in preparation for this weekend’s seminar. I can’t wait to get started. I have never made a vision board before or designed an affirmation to support a specific goal. The information I found talked a lot about law of attraction, which is fascinating. It also talked about these as tools to set an intention, and with that clarity finding/seeking the things in your life which will support that intention.

I started wondering if I could come up with specific examples in my life. For a while….crickets. Then it all started flooding in. The most powerful realization was how I had created a change in my relationships with my husband and kids. I remember clearly last Spring thinking how I wished I was closer with my son. I often felt like I missed the mark with him. He didn’t seem to let my love in. No wonder as I was so often seeing and pointing out his flaws. I thought about what I wanted for that relationship. I realized that what I wanted was to give him a feeling of unconditional love and support. I wanted him to know his Momma was right behind him all the way. The more I pictured this the more that spark grew in our relationship. He comes looking for me now because he wants a hug. He includes me in his activities, ideas and dreams. I am such a lucky mom.

As this change was occurring, I naturally progressed to wanting my daughter to know she was treasured, and to feel the same love and support as my son. I wanted to feel a joyous spark and deep appreciation for my husband. The more I focused on those feelings as they came up… the more they came up. When I start to notice that I am seeing only aggravation and stress in these relationships, I remember to look for what I want.


Loving Kindness

I have made some promises to myself lately about speaking harshly to myself and being judgmental of others. When I notice these thoughts looping through my mind, I try to get rid of them within 30 seconds. This has become a fun challenge for me. It is becoming a good tool to notice what my mind creates when I am not paying attention.

One of the ways I am employing to kick those negative thoughts out and replace them with a calmer and kinder wavelength is with a Loving Kindness prayer. This is also called a Metta Meditation and there are many variations out there. I like to keep it simple so I stick with this:

May I be safe

May I be happy

May I be peaceful

May I be well

If I am feeling angry or judgmental, I change the words to May you be safe… and I think of that person.

Please know this is a drastically shortened version of the whole Metta Meditation process which involves spreading that loving kindness out to all beings. I found an article by Linda Sparrowe on a website called himalayaninstitute.org which goes into greater detail if you are interested. Here is an excerpt: “Repeat the prayer over and over again for several minutes, feeling as though you’re swaddled in loving-kindness. When you feel ready, substitute the name of the person you wish to forgive for the word “I.” Set the intention to wrap this person in the love you now hold in your heart. Don’t worry if this seems impossible at first. Be patient, and ever so gradually, you’ll begin to feel a shift. “

The Vision Board seminar is rapidly approaching. Please contact me at heather@lifeandfriendship.com if you are interested. You can also sign up through PayPal.


Reclaim yourself from the past

This passage is from Debbie Ford’s The Dark Side Of The Light Chasers:

“The strength to look clearly at your past and take back aspects of yourself that you’ve given away lies within you. All you have to do is close your eyes, go within, and ask. The power you need is there, but it will only come out when your desire to change your life is stronger than your desire to stay the same. It’s always easier to blame others for the condition of our lives. When we lose touch with ourselves we lose touch with our divinity, and because we don’t trust ourselves we come to believe that other people can’t be trusted. For some people  the pain of the past is so great they believe the only way they can cope with it is to blame and deny. You must embrace your past if you want to change your present. If you want to manifest your desires you must be accountable for everything that takes place in your world.”

I know. I know. It’s scary and hard and exhausting and… but think of how great it must be to be at peace within yourself.


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