Category Archives: Musings

Waiting

I find myself so often putting off making change in any area of my life because I am intent on getting things “under control”.  I can remember a span of about a year and a half that started with the unexpected and sudden death of my father, which led to my subsequent decision to step away from the graduate program I was meant to start a week later and open a handcraft gallery instead. A few months later I was married and several months after that I lost my my uncle, who on my wedding day just a few months earlier had said to me, “Now that your father is gone I want you to think of me like your father. I want to be here for you.” During this time I can clearly remember feeling disbelief and even rage at the world around me. Why couldn’t everyone just hold still for a few freakin minutes so I could catch my breath?

As many of you who have read my blog for the last year and a half are aware there have changes underfoot with my job. In typical fashion I have been waiting and waiting and waiting for confirmation in regards to what that job is going to become before making plans with the work I truly want to be doing. Tomorrow morning I go in again for yet another meeting. It seems this just has to be the meeting when I find out for sure if I have a job, will I be working part time or full time, and will it be something I even want to do. No matter the answers I get tomorrow, I know this job is not where I truly want to be. It is not the work I feel calling out to me. It is not the work I wake up excited to learn about and practice. It is not the work that makes me feel that I am using all the gifts I have been given. That work has been sitting on the shelf, waiting in limbo to find out, “When will it be the right time to begin?”

OnparticularlyroughdayswhenImsureIcantpossiblyendure_zps531660f8

As I have prepared myself mentally for all of the presumed possibilities of what may come tomorrow, a small voice has begun to creep closer and closer. I realize it is asking me a question, “Why do you keep waiting?”

I was reading a book by Rich German recently in which he suggests imagining all of the things you are juggling in your life as rubber balls. Out of all those pick 3 to 5 that are the most important to you. He suggests you imagine these as being your crystal balls. The rubber ones you can take your eye off of from time to time if you have to. You may not want to drop them, but they will bounce back if you do.  You must always keep your crystal balls in focus because they will be damaged or destroyed if you allow them to drop. These are the things in your life that are too precious to allow them to be damaged. This last year and a half of waiting has got me wondering if I have chosen wisely my crystal balls.

I am very proud and happy to say that I have taken some steps to move forward in creating my career. I am moving the Life and Friendship classes to the Self Center in Winchester, MA. This location gives me many advantages and feels like a big step forward. I will also be partnering with Wendy Carlson in teaching some upcoming classes. She is starting a similar healing and teaching business and it feels great to have some company. I have added a bunch of Upcoming Events and I am so looking forward to meeting a lot of new people. If you do not live in the Boston area but are interested in learning more please sign up for my monthly newsletter or call/email me to schedule a Free 20 Minute Session. You will get a feel for the work we can do together and if it feels like a good fit for you. 781~367~5751 or heather@lifeandfriendship.com


Grocery Store Harmonica

You know those times when something happens and even though you were there and saw it for yourself, even you question if it really happened. I had one of those recently at the grocery store and every time I think of it I have to smile.

I was at the register and my groceries were being scanned. I started to notice music, harmonica music. Strange… I look to my left and see a rather nonplussed older woman pulling her carriage into my line. Behind her carriage is her husband who also doesn’t look terrible excited to be out running errands. However, strapped around his neck and hanging down in front of his chest is some kind of home made harmonica amplifying system. It was the size of a large shoe or boot box without the lid. So, just the bottom of the box, and very colorful. It appeared to be made out of either candy wrappers or gimp with some crude metal parts and wires wrapping around inside. You get the idea, colorful, homemade, kind of Alice in Wonderland-ish.

Imagine this:amplifierharmonica

Plus this:pinata

With these two:older couple

The really cool part about this was that here was this older guy, probably in his 80’s, who for some reason was compelled to play his harmonica wherever he goes. His wife appeared to be pretty tired of hearing him play his God D$%^* harmonica. The comedy of those two in contrast to the cheerful music and the unorthodox little amp system, especially in the grocery store of all places, was just undeniable. The smiles spread quickly between the shoppers. I looked at the girl scanning my groceries and she gave a little smile and a chuckle. I looked over and a little boy was laughing and dancing a jig with his sister. All around me people awoke from their stupor and realized what they were seeing. It was magic.

God Bless grumpy old men who insist on playing outlandish contraptions wherever they go and spreading smiles along the way. Bless their wives too. Wives that really, really want to back over their husband’s home made amp and silence it forever… but who love their man enough to keep on listening.

I hope you bump into some magic while you are out and about too.


Unburden Yourself

Recently I was able to catch up with a good friend over a cup of coffee. She was telling me about a recent trip to her absolutely amazing integrative wellness doctor who has a massage therapist on staff. She was seeing the massage therapist for an ongoing pain in her arm and wrist which my friend assumed was due to continuous “mousing”.

Now this is no ordinary massage therapist as she chooses all kinds of scents to have pumped into the room for each client along with delicious massage oils. She asked my friend to begin using a certain breathing technique designed to help release. The massage therapist explained that my friend could release what she had been holding in her body without knowing what it was but just with the intention of letting go. As the massage continued my friend huffed and puffed away thinking, “Let it go. Let it go…” and just relaxed into the experience.

She described it to me as if the therapist was the “midwife” helping her to release what had been keeping her in pain. What a perfect metaphor. How lucky to find someone to help you release from your body what has kept you stuck and in pain. I also love this concept that we don’t need to know what it is in order to release it. In our culture we have been trained to think we must revisit a painful incident and trace its spidery veins into every area of our lives that has been marred or damaged by it.  Believe me, I am not trying to say that therapy is in any way a waste of time. It is profoundly valuable in so many ways. I am saying that I am all for shortcuts! We are all wise to use every tool available to create the life we want.

I had an image last night as I was floating off to sleep of someone carrying a heavy burlap sack over their shoulder and picking up chunks of Fool’s Gold to put in their sack. The Fool’s Gold was a metaphor for beliefs this person had formed through their life. At the end of the trail the bag was opened to reveal so much of what was thought to be pure Gold or truth, was really a mistake. They picked up one large chunk and thought, I put you in my bag when I believed I was wrong for speaking up. Everyone was upset by what I said and I put you in my sack believing I was a hurtful person who was careless with my words. What I did not see is that after everyone was grateful I had spoken the truth when they did not have the courage. Picking up another chunk from the bag they thought, I remember you. I put you in my sack when I decided I was not good enough because I was not chosen. After that I never tried to hope for anything again as it was so painful to be disappointed. Now I see I was not chosen for another reason and have missed my chance at so many things because I did not dare try.

As more and more of the Fools Gold came out of the bag and was exposed this person realized what a heavy burden they had placed on themselves. As they came to the bottom of the bag they began to uncover some pieces of true Gold. Holding these luminous metal pieces in their palm it was plain to see how little of what they had believed was really the truth. The truth is simple and beautiful and small enough to hold in one hand, yet it is enough to carry you through anything. The universe lined up in a very special way to make sure YOU were created. No mistakes!

sack of coal

Remember, Huff and Puff and Let It Go!


Happy Butterfly

 

One of my favorite things about my daughter is how much she loves to have fun. She is a fun seeking missile. A blood hound hot on the trail! She reminds me always that life is more fun if you join in and go with the flow rather than cautiously open the door and throw in your list of demands.

Over the last few weeks of family visits and Holiday bustle, I saw her as a kind of fun collecting butterfly. She floats around and gathers up the fun in all the flowers  she finds. She watches X Factor and American Idol videos with my Mom, helps me out in the kitchen, plays football with her cousins, and relaxes on the couch with my husband watching sports. She is so adaptable to what makes others happy and finds enjoyment in just sharing in that activity, whatever it may be.

She has a very Zen, go with the flow methodology. I almost never hear her say things like, “Okay, I’ll play but only if I get to be the car”  or “I really don’t like this  game, but I’ll try it.” She just doesn’t put those kind of restrictions on things. No, that girls hears laughter and she is off like a shot to get in the middle of the action.

Watching her has shown me that joining in the happiness is an activity in and of itself.  Whatever happens while you are doing that is just the backdrop. Enter into your life with an open heart and fully expect to have a great time.  It sure beats cautiously observing and expecting disappointment!

 


Joy happens

Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are.

                           -Marianne Williamson

What a concept!

What is great in your world today?


Behind the Mask

Go ahead, take off your disguise and show the world your irresistible true self.

“We waste so much energy trying to cover up who we are

when beneath every attitude is the want to be loved

and beneath every anger is a wound to be healed

and beneath every sadness is the fear that there will not be enough time.

Our challenge each day is not to get dressed to face the world

but to unglove ourselves so that the door knob feels cold

and the car handle feels wet

and the kiss goodbye feels like the lips of another being

soft and unrepeatable.”

                                                            –Mark Nepo, Book of Awakening

I heard this beautiful quote this morning on a podcast from Tara Brach. I promise you if you are feeling out of sorts for any reason just listening to her voice will make you feel better. If you focus on what she is actually saying… forget about it!

She says, “The less we’re identified with the hard ego coverings the more we can be touched by life.”

This is so fitting for what is happening for myself and so many people around me right now. As we think about giving up long-held beliefs about who we are or secrets we believe define us, it feels raw and scary. Like we are exposing ourselves to unnecessary pain and ridicule. The potential pay off is so huge. We grow stronger, not weaker by exposing our true selves.  Feeling loved and connected to others is the most basic of human needs and recognizing those flashes when you really feel it and express it, are the first step to figuring out how to live there.  I encourage you to find ways every day to be a little more real, a little more from the heart. Trust in the wisdom of the universe to take care of the rest.

I want to remind you of my offer for 2 free months of Life Script Editing with me. I have a few amazing “clients” who have signed up and would like to start a few more people in the beginning of November. Just in time for the Holidays- get ready to imagine less drama this year! Please email me at: heather@lifeandfriendship.com if you would like to sign up or get more information.


Getting Clear

I have been listening to podcast lectures from Gabrielle Bernstein a lot lately. I love her upbeat energy, loving acceptance of whatever shows up in the way of questions, and the combination of mystical woo woo teachings with real life living.  I actually have a book of hers kicking around, but I have to admit I didn’t make in much past the introduction. She wrote about how she began to change her way of thinking by getting back on a unicycle… I very close mindedly shut the book and put it back in the pile.

I will fish it out one of these days because she is awesome and I’m sure her book is too. One quote of hers that I love is, “The clearer you are, the closer you are. You will have what you want when you get clear.” What I have been finding so often lately when something like that sticks out to me, is that I can find examples happening in my life now. What I saw upon reflection was that I got crystal clear that I wanted less yelling in my house. It was not okay with me to be yelling at my kids as a regular form of behavior management. The other day I realized that I had developed a new habit of speaking to my kids instead of ranting and raving. For example,  last week my son very rudely interrupted a conversation I was having with another Mom at afternoon pickup by standing almost in between us and repeating,  “Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go…” My first reactions were anger and embarrassment.  As we walked away I said ( not grumbled menacingly through gritted teeth per my standard technique), “That was very rude. You interrupted my conversation and it made me angry.”

Guess what his response was. “Oh, sorry Mom. I didn’t think about it like that. I won’t do that anymore.”  I know. Shocking! End of story. No 20 minute rant from me about how he really had to get his act together, blah, blah, blah. He got it and the conversation was done.

When I realized how often this kind of thing has been happening around here lately I was pretty floored. It is obvious that I created a new reality because I got super clear about what it would look like. Which brings me to something else I am getting really clear about. I need more students and more experience working with people on rewriting their Life Script. I don’t feel comfortable with the term Life Coach. For me it feels condescending and over reaching. I don’t know how to live your life so I can’t coach you up on doing it better. I believe I can help you pull out the stories you are telling yourself that are keeping you stuck and help you rewrite them. I am thinking more of Life Design Facilitator or Life Script Editor. My process is a lot like just talking with a friend. It is a bit therapy, a bit philosophical discussion, some exercises and a lot of encouragement to get in touch with what makes you feel good.

I am offering two months of free Life Script Editing through email and phone calls every other week. There will be no obligation on your part to continue past the two months. I do ask that you not agree to begin unless you feel comfortable committing for the full two months. If you choose to continue working with me past that time the terms will be completely negotiable. I look forward to the opportunity to get to know some of you in a whole new way, and thank you in advance for the opportunity to learn from you.

Please contact me at heather@lifeandfriendship.com to sign up or get more information.


Life is not a spelling test

Life is not a spelling test.

It’s not about being right.

Forget about memorizing rules from the past

as the key to the future.

It’s more like baking a cake with no recipe.

You have some idea of what to do,

but the only way to make it great

is to learn by experience.

Just putting in the right ingredients

is no guarantee.

Try something unexpected.

Imagine it a better way.

After all, it’s your life.

Add whatever makes you happy!

I am reading an awesome book by Dr. Wayne Dyer called Wishes Fulfilled. In the book he says,

“By replacing your personal history as the arbiter of your life, you cease to resist your fuller potential.”


Stop Thinking and Try Doing

Avoiding danger is no safer

in the long run 

than outright exposure.

The fearful are caught 

as often as the bold.

-Helen Keller

First of all, you have to tell yourself if Helen Keller can believe this,  there is really no reason you can’t too. Second, who cares if you don’t make it to where you think you need to be. If you reach past your fears you are really living. You can figure out the details on the way!

Take a big deep breath, let it out. Repeat as needed. Go for it.


What if feeling bad isn’t the point?

I sat next to this lady I just think is such a hot ticket at my meditation class yesterday. She has such a great, fun vibe. She is one of those people you feel like you could tell your deepest secrets from the moment you meet her. She was telling me how she had planned to come to another class that had been offered the week before but had let herself be talked out of going. She was really kicking herself. She was disappointed that she hadn’t trusted herself and felt she had lost out on an opportunity to experience something new. Oh boy did I get excited. You are probably wondering what is so exciting about that, right?

“Welllll,” I said, “I have this new theory about just this kind of situation. I think your feeling badly and kicking yourself is not where you are meant to hang out. You are feeling like this because your body, spirit, the universe, whatever is trying to point something out to you. What decision or action did you take that lead you to feeling so bummed out?”

“I let myself be convinced not to come by my friend even though I knew I really wanted to” she said.

“Perfect. I think you’re just supposed to notice that you are feeling bad. Acknowledge the action or thought that lead you there, and learn from it.  It doesn’t work for you to not trust yourself. In fact it makes you feel pretty crummy. Maybe there is a piece of you that also needs to decide that you aren’t going to agree with what other people want to make them happy or avoid an argument. Once you get what the lesson is you can stop beating yourself up and start looking for the next cool class  you want to try.” I was trying hard to contain myself because this was such a slam dunk example of what I have been trying to verbalize. “That’s the idea I have been kicking around lately, at least.”

“Yeah, that sounds right. It makes a lot of sense to look at it like that.” she responded. Me personally, I think she perked right up.

I try to contain myself. I really do. Who wants to sit next to the one with all the answers right? It’s just that the more I think about energy, gratitude, forgiveness, abundance  the more it seems like I’ve been making things too complicated. Being human means most of us will repeat the same mistakes a few times before we really get the pattern.  Why shouldn’t it be as simple as noticing the signs and listening to your intuition? It’s a working theory. As always I love your feedback!

Also, I am super excited to announce that my class is starting 9/25.  The class name is Rewriting Your Life Script. It will meet for 5 Tuesdays from 7 to 8:30 pm.  Each class will be an informal lecture followed by group discussion and exercises. I can’t wait to get started.

You can register for the class here.


%d bloggers like this: