Synthesis

Following my plan of an alphabetical inspiration based on the months of the year, this month’s theme is synthesis. According to freedictionary.com the word synthesis means, “To combine so as to form a new and complex product.” This seems to me what we all do on a smaller or larger scale throughout our lives. Synthesize our new experiences into our being to enjoy more complex and fuller lives. What about our rough spots, thorny patches, places we dare not tread, or the places we cannot stop returning to? The memories and beliefs which cannot seem to synthesize but rather continue to define for better or worse some aspect of who we are.

Those are the places where the flow stops and the energy sticks. What I believe is that  you need to give yourself permission to release and move on. Even though you don’t know what moving on will look like.  We all become habituated to being a certain way. Thinking of releasing the intense pain you feel when you remember a really ugly break up, for example, seems like a no brainer. “Of course I want to let go of that so I can move on to a new fresh relationship”, right? Well, maybe hanging onto that pain has become my security blanket. It is always there for me. It protects me from the mistake of making myself vulnerable to the same pain in the future. I can pull this memory out any time and even feel special and unique in the quality and flavor of my sadness.

We don’t do this because we are stupid, bad, lazy, or weak. We do this because we are human. Permission to let these painful parts synthesize and become a part of our tapestry is what open us up to the fullness we are meant to experience. By letting go of our identity as the one who was cheated on, the one who cheated, the one who never gets what they want, the one who nobody listens to, the most beautiful, the least beautiful, the favorite child… we open to all the other possible us-es we could be.

Who would you be if you told a different story?

I would

Wow! Got right to it after my summer break with a heavy one right out of the gate. Check out my upcoming event page to see what’s cooking for the Fall.

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Mantra

Are we this far into May and I haven’t posted my alphabetical inspiration yet? Yup, that’s right. Forgot all about it.

mantra machine

I am gonna fly by the seat of my pants here and go with Mantra. I am not going to attempt to educate you on the use of Mantra in meditation, prayer, healing, etc. Many of you probably know much more than me. I will tell you I have devised a few of my own that help move me out of  yucky emotional spaces or when I find myself stuck in repetitive negative thoughts.  My most recent is super embarrassing but really hit the spot when I realized that I had been pretty mean to myself all morning with the same worrisome messages over and over. Imagine this sung to the tune of Frere Jacque,

I am awesome, I am awesome

Yes indeed, Yes indeed

I really really love me, I really really love me

Yes indeed, Yes indeed

Did I feel like a complete wackado in my kitchen humming to myself? You betcha. But after a few minutes that little tune started to drown out the other stuff and I could happily get on with my day. Zero calories, free, and it makes you feel good. What’s not to love?

Click here for Deva Premal and enjoy Mantra in a much more melodious form.

 


Trust The Process

I noticed something interesting about how people create at our Messy and Grateful class where we created Gratitude Boxes. At the beginning of class we mingled around and picked out our supplies. It became evident fairly quickly that everyone had a little bit different process. Some people were more hesitant and asked questions before they began. Some people picked out a few supplies and quietly and methodically began constructing their box. Others were up and down rummaging through the supplies and creating on the fly. As I looked around the room it made perfect sense.

Strategy

painter

 

 

 

tiny businesswoman

The way we create matches our personality, and is a mirror for how we approach life.

“As we do one, so we do all.”

-Jennifer Longmore

It got me thinking about what my style of creating life looks like. I am definitely a jump all the way in before you have a chance to over think it. Assume it will all be smooth sailing, and if it isn’t then discover you have no idea what you are actually doing.

This is where I always begin to beat myself up and lose confidence. Why am I not more organized like so and so. Why didn’t I get more support before I started. This would never happen if I was more…

But now I have a new perspective. I see this is just my process. I can actually see a fun and beautiful pattern to all of my fumbling and creating and success and failure. This is me and it’s how I live and learn and create. When I look at it from this angle I am pretty darn proud of myself.

How do you do what you do? 


Go With Your Gut

I recently discovered an amazing book by Danielle LaPorte called The Fire Starter Sessions. This book is all about getting real with your MoJo and not futzing around. It’s about not beating yourself up for what you did or didn’t do and letting go of the unrealistic goals you’re not all that invested in anyway. It is a free pass out of Guilt City with a side of hilarious passion promotion.

trust your gut

Here is what she calls The Eight Second Rule

“My personal theory is that you get ample intuitive information about someone in the first, say, eight seconds of meeting them. If your antennae are honed, if you’ve made a practice of following your instincts, then you know in the first handshake; you know when someone shows up two minutes early or two minutes late; you know from the sound of their voice on the other end of the phone; you know from the tone of their email. Somewhere in your being, you just know. Like or dislike. Open or closed. Curious or careful. Eight seconds.

Pay close attention. There is a Buddhist saying:

As in the beginning,

So in the middle,

So in the end.”

When you think about it, you already knew that. But it is great to get, in writing, permission to trust that first gut instinct. Go ahead and put your guard up. You don’t have to give them a chance for the sake of being fair or nice or rational. You can trust your instincts. Well, maybe take them for a test drive first. Think of some situations that went badly. Did you have a sense from the start or were you completely surprised. Were there signs you missed. You might need to spend some time teaching yourself how to speak the language of your intuition.

What you might be reading as giddy excitement, may actually be your instincts shouting “RUN!!”

bad feeling

Just sayin’.


I Believe In Miracles

“Every thought you have

either supports the positive energy of the world

or pollutes it.

Be mindful of your thoughts.”

– Gabrielle Bernstein, May Cause Miracles

happy ping pong ball

I am reaching the end of Gabrielle Bernstein’s book May Cause Miracles. It is 6 weeks of daily meditations, intentions and subtle shifts and I love it! Among the many reasons I love this book, a big one is that I have experienced concretely my belief that change does not need to be arduous and painful. Oh, it can be, I know that! But the beauty of this book is that Gabrielle guides you through daily intentions which some days don’t feel like much of anything. Just the act of reading it, believing in the process, and setting the intention in your mind creates a ripple through your life.

I have become a much more diligent watcher of my thoughts without the need to scold myself for bad behavior. If this sounds monotonous, I have greatly undersold the experience. It is beyond freeing to notice when I am believing fearful thoughts and to release them.

“I could see peace instead of this.”

– Affirmation Day 26

And my favorite quote comes from the Course In Miracles which is truly the backbone of the book,

“Today we celebrate the happy ending to your long dream of disaster. The light has come. I have forgiven the world.”

-Lesson 75 from the Course workbook

I had to stop reading to blink through my tears of laughter. I think I need to put that on a sign.

doomsday


Acknowledge Awesomeness

Acknowledge Awesomeness, that is my alphabetical inspiration for the month of April. Acknowledge Awesomeness is about recognizing the times big and small when you get a wink from the Universe.

For example, this morning I took my daughter to the pediatrician and was noticing the drawings and family photos hanging in the reception area. In one of the pictures two young boys were sitting with their new baby brother laying across their laps. It was a beautiful shot, but what really caught my eye was the way the middle child was holding his arm out to his side with his elbow bent and his hand palm up on top of his head. If I didn’t know better I would have just assumed the picture was just snapped at the wrong moment. That maybe the kids were fidgeting and it wasn’t possible to get one “perfect” shot. But I do know better. You see it just so happens that for about two years when my son was small the only way he would have his picture taken was with his hand upside down on top of his head. For a few months it had to be both hands. We called that The Double!

You might be wondering what is so awesome in this story. For me, this was a reminder that there is nothing about any of us that is so unusual, different, or strange that sets us apart. We are not ever alone, even in our quirkiest and strangest places there are others who can join us there. What a comforting reminder of the common thread that runs through all of us.

This month I will strive to Acknowledge Awesomeness in all the strange and wonderful places I find it.

hand on headI couldn’t find a digital photo of my son from this stage. Just imagine this guy pre- tattoo, eyeliner, and beard with his right hand more opened. My son was two and a half when he started, so a little smaller too.

 


Trust

 

It came to me recently what it is I have been creating with my group of women as we meet in our seminars. As I have been twisting and turning my brain trying to define and focus and perfect my “elevator pitch” to explain exactly what it is we are doing- we have actually been doing IT.

We are holding a space of unlimited possibilities for each other. I recently watched the movie Hungry For Change and a quote from Frank Ferrante stood out for me. He said he joined a support group and they welcomed him into the group with the line, “We will love you until you learn to love yourself.” He was deeply impacted by this. That people he did not know would hold a space of love for him regardless of how he felt about himself, and trusted that he would grow to see himself as they did. Powerful!!!

hands with heart

It popped into my head that our group of women is doing the same. As we are individually asking the questions of what do I want, what makes me happy, do I have the courage to change, do I have the courage not to? We are collectively holding a space of trust that  whatever we can dream we can create. That we are each sparks of Divine energy that is powerful enough to birth babies, soothe hurt feelings, protect dreams, carry through hard times, celebrate good times, and to dare to trust that we are without limit in potential.

mom and baby hands

Please trust and know that this space is here for you too. On this blog, in my classes and connecting in whatever way is meaningful for you. There is a space for you to come and hang out. Soak in whatever you need to begin the process of trusting in yourself.


Meditation Inspiration

I had a Martha Beck inspiration about a year ago to start paying attention to what makes me happy. At first, it was honestly kind of struggle to come up with anything. All the ideas I came up with had a but attached that went something like this, “I would love to ___________, but…”  It was beginning to sound as if I was talking myself out enjoying my life by throwing up all of these rules, regulations, and expectations of perfection. Hmmmmm.

Over time I managed to amass a small but growing list. Eventually I even got to the place where I could recognize and appreciate fun moments in the midst of not so fun activities. That was a big development! I gave up the relentless push to find my “Life’s Purpose”, at least as that applied to career. I made figuring out how to find Joy my life’s purpose. I admit a lot of days I still lose sight of my path, but I am so much more in tune with how I am feeling moment to moment. Being in touch with how I am feeling is like having my hands on the steering wheel of my emotions. By steering towards the happy thoughts and away from the angry, restless, bored, yucky ones I really am a happier person. Who knew!

things to be happy about

I think the biggest tool for me to keep my hands on the steering wheel is meditation. It doesn’t matter how I meditate, just that I do. It slows down my brain enough that I can actually hear the individual thoughts as they come flowing by instead of in the overwhelming torrent they can become without meditation. This is helpful in so many ways but mostly it gives me the opportunity to weed the garden, so to speak. I can ask myself, “Do I really believe that?” or “Is that what I want to tell myself about this?” What a relief.

Ideas or inspiration often comes through meditation and recently I got a zinger. I suddenly had the idea for a big project that combines so many of the things I love to do, home renovation, home decoration, landscaping, painting, community building, and many more. Plus this idea would be a great challenge for me to learn new skills and organize a large group of people. The idea is to organize/create an all volunteer Home Makeover for a family in our town. We will find a family who is in need of home repairs and renovations but has been unable to afford them. We will garner donations from local businesses and individuals and we will get volunteers to donate the labor to fix up their home. I know super crazy, right? But super cool too. I just stopped by the Mayor’s office to see if I could make an appointment with him to speak about it and he ushered me right in. He thinks it’s a great idea and would love to see it happen. He made recommendations to maybe set up a non-profit, find an accountant, insurance, etc. I guess this means the ball is officially rolling.

home makeover

I gotta go pinch myself!

If you have ever heard of this being done or just have suggestions PLEASE send them along. I am open to all ideas. Just please, if you have a word of caution for me, also offer a solution. Now is not a good time for nay Sayers,  (is there ever a good time?). Thank You, Thank You, Thank You


Meditation

I know you are all waiting on the edge of your seats to hear what the “M” word for the month of March will be. Drum roll please……

The word of the month is: Meditation

The “All About Energy” class really highlighted for all of us the importance of meditation. How taking the time to get quiet and focused, in whatever way works for you, allows you to access and get comfortable with your normal. What does being you feel like without the outside influence of judgement, anxiety, doubt, anger or anything else? It’s kind of like learning to balance on a tightrope.

feet

The more time you spend balanced in whatever place is natural to you, the more easily you notice when outside forces push you out of that sweet spot. That outside force may be something major like losing a job or something more common like getting cut off in traffic. Anything can jolt you out of your center and threaten to knock you off the wire. It becomes easier with time to return to your place of balance and decide how to handle the situation from there.

Meditate, all the cool people do!


One True Thing

One thing I know to be True is that telling yourself mean things doesn’t motivate, support or improve you in any way.

Here I am at the end of February which I decided would be the month of the FROG  (Fully Rely On God).  I spent a good chunk of it in Chicken Little mode running around afraid the sky was falling because I decided I was too fat. Somehow putting on 5 or 10 pounds had turned into an impending disaster and meant I should definitely leave the house as little as possible. As I spent more and more time inside the story of how horrible this was and how I was obviously a flawed human being if I could not control my own body, the more miserable I became.

merry go round

Finally I decided I to step off the merry-go-round of misery and just try acceptance. Lean into the universe a little bit and trust that I am not meant to be unhappy and self loathing. So I spent a little time thinking what is it about my body right now that is making me so scared? What does it mean if I am this weight or heavier forever? Will I love myself less if I buy bigger pants? What am I really afraid of?

That was the real question. What am I really afraid of? For me,  it doesn’t have much to do with health. It has a lot to do with vanity. But deeper than vanity is the fear of  not being enough. That just me without being thin or pretty or funny or whatever- but just me is not worth loving. Well, I am happy to report that when I realized what a load of crap I was feeding myself, I put down my fork!!

At first this was foreign ground. It felt like I was accepting defeat when I stopped harassing myself. It can be hard to make a new habit!  It became clear that I had created a comfort zone for myself  in regards to what I felt was an acceptable size. As I  bumped the boundaries of that comfort zone the alarm bells had started blaring.  For now I am planning on trying to ignore them. I put a call into the alarm company to see about getting the system rewired. I don’t need alarm bells going off to tell me I am fat. I need them going off when I am saying mean things to myself. A reminder to be kind. What would that sound like?

PS: I was told the weight gain  could be related to dairy intolerance. I have been dairy free for less than a week and already feel so much better and even a little thinner. Whoopee!!


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