Not Again

You know how sometimes you keep hearing about the same thing everywhere you go? I’m not talking about a new t.v. show, movie, or celebrity gossip. I’m talking about some seemingly random idea or thought that starts growing a life of its own. For me lately that thing is grief.

Grief- I thought I had put it in the rear view mirror. I was proud to be good and done with that! Imagine my surprise at being told after my first ever Reiki session (which I loved) that she felt “overwhelming” grief in my shoulders and neck where I have had varying levels of chronic pain for many years. Even though I offered to come back as many times as it would take to release all that grief she said, sadly, “No”. Apparently I am the one who has to work through it all myself. “Set aside time to grieve,” she suggested. This  really was a great suggestion but not realistic for me. There is a reason I have a neck full of overwhelming grief and it’s not because I can deal with daily doses of sadness.

I have been depressed before. Not just down in the dumps for a week or two, but that really black place that sucks out every ounce of will you have and laughs at your limp, pathetic self sobbing in the dark. I’ll walk up to the edge but when I feel those fingers creeping up out of the dark for me you better believe I turn and burn rubber the other way. As good as it would be for me, I just don’t see me going to that place regularly/ intentionally.

I was pleased as punch to hear of a potentially quicker and easier solution.   I just happened to hear a Dr. Bradley Nelson discussing his e-book, The Emotion Code. Dr Nelson believes that a majority of  both physical and emotional pain and disease is caused by trapped emotions. Listening to him talk this seemed to make a lot of sense. I started reading his book and quickly discovered his method for releasing the trapped emotions. Magnets. What?! I knew this had to be too good to be true. I kept reading and his book is very convincing. I have tried it on myself and the dog. I don’t think I’ve completely refined the technique. Plus Dr Nelson says the more you believe it will work the better it does. I might need a little work in that department too. I have to say I would way rather commit time every day to magnetize myself than grieve!

Thinking about all of this makes me laugh. I told my husband about the magnet book and he keeps saying things like, “Oh crap, grab a magnet!” It’s hard to take life too seriously when your husband is saying, “Stick a magnet on it!” He did say I could try to fix his ankle, but I couldn’t take it seriously. My kids make me laugh because they keep saying, “Bow, Chop, Release” and karate chopping each other. I’m sticking magnets all over them too. It can’t hurt, right?

My conclusion, there are two things in life you should be able to do once and be done for good. Get in shape and grieve. Unfortunately, grieving is cyclical. I have done my best to think my way through it rather than feeling. When I do allow myself to feel is when I am caught by surprise. My Dad was a commercial pilot. Seeing a pilot rushing through the airport recently as I walked with my daughter made me want to grab him and say, “Go get my Daddy. I want him to see my little girl.” The sadness over all he is not physically here to share crashed into me in a wave.

I guess I can try to do both. Set aside time to grieve while covering myself with magnets.

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night, my neck throbbing. Okay, I said to myself, obviously I can’t think my way through this. I need to accept that I am not in control and allow the universe to steer me where I am meant to go. I need to trust myself to be strong enough to ask for help when I need it and to be brave enough to face the challenges life presents to me.  What this looks like in my life I will have to wait and see, but I slept like a baby after that.


About lifeandfriendship

Intentionally crafting an intuitive life and friendships while managing carpool, kids, work, dinner, dog... View all posts by lifeandfriendship

4 responses to “Not Again

  • lifeandfriendship

    I apologize for taking so long to respond to your thoughtful and kind response. I was away and thought my iPad had posted my response but it seems like that did not happen. I loved hearing more about you and it has made me look at things from a new angle. When you said you were over empathizing for your fathers feelings that seemed very wise. I need to delve a little deeper into this! Anyway, my neck has actually been feeling better. Ever the one to take the path of least resistance I have been sticking magnets on there when it is sore and starting looking in the mirror saying, “I love you, Heather. I am healthy and vibrant!” Thank you , Louise Hay. I feel a little goofy but whatever…
    Thanks again, Heather

  • reikipeth

    You thought of trying Bach flower remedies for grief? I can’t think offhand of the right one for you, but as an interim you might find rescue remedy might be of help? Take a look at the Bach Centre’s website – might be some help there for you.

    It’s nuts (but very understandable) how long we can take to process grief. It’s a very personal process. I took a far amount of Rescue Remedy to get me through both Grandmother’s passing on. It’s still needed from time to time!

    Breathe grief out and let love & light in.
    Hope you find a solution best for you.

    Sue @

    • lifeandfriendship

      Thank you for the recommendation. i will look up the Bach’s flowers remedies. I guess I just have a talent for stuffing that grief down and need some help to let it out. I don’t think about it all the time but man, my neck pain is really getting old! Thanks Again

  • Marie Alesbury

    Hi,I can really empathise with your post having lost my dad when i was 12. I carried my grief with me until only a few years ago(i am 39). For me, releasing my grief once and for all was about releasing the sadness i felt for him, sadness for how he must have felt tat that time moments before he died, sadness for how he feels now he is no longer able to be with us…like i was over empathising for his feelings rather than my own loss if that makes sense. I am also a reiki practoitioner and i feel very much that someone can help you to release your grief, perhaps not that particular reiki practitioner, perhaps someone else. Simply ask the universe eto help you release you grief, to send you the right person so that you don’t have to go looking for them…also acknowledge every feeling that comes up about your beautiful dad, surrender those feelings and ask to feel love in it’s place…keep doing this a s a process if you feel emotionally strong enough. A question that keeps coming up for you whilst writing this is “why do you need to hold onto your grief? ” May it be serving you in some way? Acting a s a crutch? …just a thought. In the meantime you absolutely do not have to try and release this on your own…the right person will come to you if that is what you ask for i am sure of that….and believe me when it happens it won’t be scarey or emotionally overwhelming, it will feel perfectly right, a relief, the release of a burden, and in it’s place all you will feel is your father’s love. You can do this if you choose to but it is your choice to make. I hope this helps in some way …much love to you. x

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