You know how sometimes you keep hearing about the same thing everywhere you go? I’m not talking about a new t.v. show, movie, or celebrity gossip. I’m talking about some seemingly random idea or thought that starts growing a life of its own. For me lately that thing is grief.
Grief- I thought I had put it in the rear view mirror. I was proud to be good and done with that! Imagine my surprise at being told after my first ever Reiki session (which I loved) that she felt “overwhelming” grief in my shoulders and neck where I have had varying levels of chronic pain for many years. Even though I offered to come back as many times as it would take to release all that grief she said, sadly, “No”. Apparently I am the one who has to work through it all myself. “Set aside time to grieve,” she suggested. This really was a great suggestion but not realistic for me. There is a reason I have a neck full of overwhelming grief and it’s not because I can deal with daily doses of sadness.
I have been depressed before. Not just down in the dumps for a week or two, but that really black place that sucks out every ounce of will you have and laughs at your limp, pathetic self sobbing in the dark. I’ll walk up to the edge but when I feel those fingers creeping up out of the dark for me you better believe I turn and burn rubber the other way. As good as it would be for me, I just don’t see me going to that place regularly/ intentionally.
I was pleased as punch to hear of a potentially quicker and easier solution. I just happened to hear a Dr. Bradley Nelson discussing his e-book, The Emotion Code. Dr Nelson believes that a majority of both physical and emotional pain and disease is caused by trapped emotions. Listening to him talk this seemed to make a lot of sense. I started reading his book and quickly discovered his method for releasing the trapped emotions. Magnets. What?! I knew this had to be too good to be true. I kept reading and his book is very convincing. I have tried it on myself and the dog. I don’t think I’ve completely refined the technique. Plus Dr Nelson says the more you believe it will work the better it does. I might need a little work in that department too. I have to say I would way rather commit time every day to magnetize myself than grieve!
Thinking about all of this makes me laugh. I told my husband about the magnet book and he keeps saying things like, “Oh crap, grab a magnet!” It’s hard to take life too seriously when your husband is saying, “Stick a magnet on it!” He did say I could try to fix his ankle, but I couldn’t take it seriously. My kids make me laugh because they keep saying, “Bow, Chop, Release” and karate chopping each other. I’m sticking magnets all over them too. It can’t hurt, right?
My conclusion, there are two things in life you should be able to do once and be done for good. Get in shape and grieve. Unfortunately, grieving is cyclical. I have done my best to think my way through it rather than feeling. When I do allow myself to feel is when I am caught by surprise. My Dad was a commercial pilot. Seeing a pilot rushing through the airport recently as I walked with my daughter made me want to grab him and say, “Go get my Daddy. I want him to see my little girl.” The sadness over all he is not physically here to share crashed into me in a wave.
I guess I can try to do both. Set aside time to grieve while covering myself with magnets.
Last night I woke up in the middle of the night, my neck throbbing. Okay, I said to myself, obviously I can’t think my way through this. I need to accept that I am not in control and allow the universe to steer me where I am meant to go. I need to trust myself to be strong enough to ask for help when I need it and to be brave enough to face the challenges life presents to me. What this looks like in my life I will have to wait and see, but I slept like a baby after that.