What I am learning lately is that I am more in control of my life than I ever realized. I am seeing that the situations and relationships where I have portrayed myself as the hapless victim of the disregard of others, are just that, a portrayal. Please know I am not disregarding anyone’s circumstances. Sadly there are times when people are truly powerless. For anyone who has been through such an experience, I applaud the courage you embody every morning when you open your eyes and recommit to life. You have my whole-hearted compassion.
The victimization I am speaking of here is really about the stories we tell ourselves about no one having time for us, no one understanding that all these bad things keep happening to us, that no matter what we do we can never win, and so on, and so on. Here is what I am finding in my own life. I have those stories too, lots of them! For example, I noticed several years ago that my older brothers would make plans together, check in with each other, and really seemed to enjoy being together. I felt left out and had my radar on for any signs that I was being excluded. I started to notice that they seemed hesitant when speaking to me, like they needed to choose their words carefully. I started to get aggravated. What was I some kind of dangerous, loose cannon?! What had I done to deserve being left out that way. It’s obviously not my fault that I am a girl, or don’t golf. I am left out of everything because of factors that are out of my control.
The more I thought about this, the more my story fell apart. I saw my brothers being careful with me for the brotherly love that it was. They did not want to upset me and were careful how to broach certain subjects. I realized that by sitting back waiting to be invited, I was actually excluding myself. It started to dawn on me that by being prickly, defensive, bitchy and pissed off, I wasn’t exactly a good time.
We just got back from our vacation and part of that time my brothers and their families joined us. I headed into this family vacation with the intention to spend less time being judgmental. When I mentioned this to my sister-in-law, she said that her and my brother were actually enjoying the trip more than usual because I wasn’t spending so much time pointing out what everyone was doing wrong. Imagine that- me -not fun on a vacation! Sure, it stinks to realize you have been a buzz kill. The cool part is that now I see that decision is mine to make. I can be right about how everyone is doing all of these mean, thoughtless things to me, or I can jump in and enjoy what life is offering.
What role do you play with your family and friends? Are you the black sheep, cheerleader, how about the loyal one, or the one that everyone calls when they have a problem? Now, are you in this position because this is how everybody always treats you? Isn’t it a possibility that you chose this role and everybody else is just agreeing with you?
Thanks for checking in. I am glad to be back at my computer. I won’t lie, I did enjoy the break but I love hearing from all of you and sharing my ideas. This week is my week to get on paper a Draft of my marketing plan. I know all of you with any kind of business background are cringing that I started all of this with no plan, except to learn through experience. That is a pattern in my life- I own it!! I would love to hear all your ideas on good ways to market my seminars. I am itching to get a new group started!